One Direction is the only band I know where being a fan is like torture. Their team constantly plays up the drama and rumors and gets the fans all spun up. This time it's "Louis is having a baby" drama. Which, the first time I read it, made my mouth gape open because that was just random and out of nowhere. Although not really. They'd been working on this stunt for a few months. Party Louis going out and partying. So when the rumors hit that party girl Briana, who he'd been papped with a time or two was pregnant, chaos erupted.
But as the story went on, it became clear that this was faker than fake. Ignoring the big old elephant in the room named Larry (Harry Styles + Louis Tomlinson), the girl's story didn't make sense. She was 9, then 10, then 11, then 12 weeks pregnant. She'd had multiple sonograms, which their families supposedly witnessed and heard heartbeats even - two things that are a bit of a stretch given the early stage of pregnancy. You know, like so early normal couples don't even announce they're pregnant because it's so early one they recommend waiting. The whole fact that we were even hearing about the pregnancy was weird, given that celebs especially can hide these things for months and months. No one was paying attention to Briana. She could have gone off and had the baby and none of use would have been the wiser. But, no. They had to publicize it NOW. Must need to sell more tix.
Next came the barrage of family members. We soon knew her family tree better than our own and my inbox kept getting filled with pics of Briana's mom at Playboy parties wearing almost nothing. Both Briana and her mom did EXCLUSIVE pap walks (and I'm sure were paid nicely for it). Daily Mail scooped my tumblr for a screencap of Briana's mom on Baywatch. It was all very surreal. What was also surreal was the lack of "gold digger" or "famewhore" articles, which seemed to be the natural course a sleazy tab would take when you had two people who were "just friends" and not in a relationship and one of them was an unemployed "stylist" with a mother who can't stop posing for the camera and a string of dads and stepdads who couldn't keep Briana's very private privateness private.
That all changed today with our first article today from In Touch Weekly that portrays her and her family in less than a positive light. It mentioned her money troubles and lack of job, said she didn't have a maternal instinct, and that she basically slept around. I'd be upset with the portrayal but I honestly think it was part of the "stunt package". I'm sure her and her family are being well compensated for this (and their EXCLUSIVE pap strolls). The article also gave us our first mention of DNA testing, which was another highly unusual omission for a celeb baby story. Louis nor his 1D Rep nor any of his family have commented to confirm or deny (another hint to me that this is just a public stunt) and rumor now has it that the UK Press is being asked not to ask Louis' family about babygate.
I'm hoping this means the end is near. I just want to move past this mess so I can fully enjoy Louis when 1D is in Baltimore. This whole thing has been weird and messy and fans really aren't feeling it. It's sort of tainting Louis and I hate that. I want to enjoy him in all his stunt-free glory in 17 days.
Let's just put this thing to bed. I'm sure their team has more drama up their sleeve somewhere. We're all just sitting here ignoring the big gay elephant in the room (except for France, which went off the rails and posted an article saying Harry and Louis are together but hiding it...and Daily Mail Celeb, who went nuts on Twitter and favorited a bunch of Larry stuff.
I can't wait for that day, decades down the line, when this shit is finally done. When we don't have to keep up this charade between performer and fan...where people can be their true selves without worrying about the bottom line. And on that note...here, have some Harry Bottoms. Just because.